Zelda Infinite

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Should I continue?
Yes. 90%  90%  [ 9 ]
No, but it's still good. =) 10%  10%  [ 1 ]
No, and it sucks. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 10
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 Post subject: Star Fox Trilogy - [Updated Sundays...hopefully]
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:02 pm 
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Legendary Hero

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I thought I'd write about something different for a day or so to give my self a break from my Zelda fanfic, and SF was the first thing that came to mind. I don't know wether I'll be continuing, although I'd like to. I'm gonna make that decision based on the poll.

People who haven't played an SF game might find this boring, just to let y'all know. Anywhoo, I twisted the story a little bit (not too much, though), and I can't really think of any SF game that this is inspired by - it's just a fan speculation of the "begining". Also, the begining plot was kinda taken from LoZ: TP (kinda)... But, meh. I'll just see how you guys cope.


<center>Table of Contents
~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~

~+ Part One +~
The True Lylat

Prologue .... Page 1
Chapter One - A Sense of War .... Page 1
Chapter Two - Training Days .... Page 1
Chapter Three - Preperations .... Page 1
Chapter Four - Journey across Venom .... Page 1
Chapter Five - Staying Alive .... Page 1
Chapter Six - Aquatic Signal .... Page 2
Chapter Seven - Battle on the Seabed .... Page 2

Part One
<font size="4">The True Lylat</font>

~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~

Prologue
~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~</center>

Years ago, a scientist named Dr. Andross became obsessed with controlling the Lylat System. He launched wave after wave of fearsome armies, land fighters as well as pilots, and ordered them to attack the Planet of Corneria — the heart of the Lylat System.

The future looked bleak, and all hope was lost. Until, however, a squadron of pilots known as Star Fox finally put an end to the doctor’s mad ambitions. Andross himself was defeated in a one-on-one showdown by the team’s leader, a brilliant pilot named James McCloud.

After Andross’s defeat, he was banished to the toxic Planet of Venom. With its vast, acidic sea and inhospitable climate, it was believed that no living thing could live there.

Members of the Cornerian military carried out frequent patrols on Venom, and Lylat lived in peace yet again; but not forever — dark days are rising. The Cornerian General, General Pepper, kept putting back the announcement of Andross’ actual death confirmation, until he eventually admitted that it couldn’t be confirmed.

The original pilots of the elite Star Fox squadron retired as warriors, and so family and friends fort in their places; thus, a new Star Fox was born…

<center>Chapter One
<font size="4">A Sense of War</font>

~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~</center>

“Tell me, do you ever feel a lust of depression as dusk falls? Does the wind smell like fear? Do the mountains echo greed?”
“No. I… I do not sense war.”
“Heh heh… At least you can judge a war when you hear a description of one.”

James McCloud looked away from the evening moon, and faced his son.
“Anyway, that’s enough talk of sadness. I have something to ask of you, Fox.”
Fox McCloud also looked away from the moonlit scenery, in turn facing James.
“Yes, father?”

“I am supposed to do a patrol on the Planet Venom the day after tomorrow. But, will you go in my stead?”
Fox smiled, before gazing back up at the starry skies.

“You have… never been outside Corneria’s orbit, right?”
“Nope,” he said, shaking his head.
“Never been out into the True Lylat, huh? You’ll love it, son, I promise you.”
He turned back again to look at James before saying, “I’ll think about it.”

James smiled.
“It’s getting late,” he then said before heaving himself to his feet. “I will talk with General Pepper about this matter. Why don’t you go and train with Falco for now, Fox?”
“Okay, I’ll do that.”

James flicked open a hatch in the device strapped around his arm; upon pressing a button, he climbed into his newly unlocked Arwing.
“Want a ride?” he called to Fox.

“Fox!” called a voice from behind. Upon looking in that direction, he saw his closest friend, Slippy Toad, running up to him. “Wait up!”
Fox shook his head.
“I’ll walk, thanks, father.”

“He asked you to patrol Venom for him?” Slippy said whilst walking beside Fox. “Way to go!”
“Thanks. I said I’d think about it. Should I do it, Slipp’?”
“Yeah, sure! This is a great opportunity, Fox!”
“Okay, then!” Fox said, using one clenched fist to beat the palm of the other hand. “Me and Falco’ll start training as soon as I get back.”

“But, Fox,” Slippy pointed at the watch on his wrist. “It’s getting late. Shouldn’t you start first thing tomorrow morning?”
“First thing tomorrow.” He put his hands in his pockets.
“Hey, we’re here,” said Slippy, checking the time. “That was quicker than I thought…”
“Who cares about time?” Fox laughed. “C’mon, Slippy! Let’s go!”

---

(Edited a <s>little</s> lot.)

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Last edited by Crystal on Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:25 am, edited 9 times in total.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 3:57 pm 
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The chapter is too short... D: Anyway, good luck. Or something.

I once wrote my own SF fanfic, it sucked though. : D
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:01 pm 
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First of all the poll is not necessary if you think its good you go on with it no matter what they think. But just in case you do need some inspiration it looks great.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:36 am 
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Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs...

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The poll works. It tells you if your piece is acceptable to the public.

I concur with the feathered one: the chapter is too short. Why does James want Fox to go instead? How old is everybody? Is Fox cool-headed or an energetic young pilot? So many questions, and maybe they'll be answered in another chapter. Keep writing.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:06 pm 
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Yeah, why does Fox go instead of his father? It's too TPish start, it makes no sense. And it's a little confusing, too.
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:12 pm 
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Legendary Hero

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thehylianhistorian wrote:
The poll works. It tells you if your piece is acceptable to the public.

I concur with the feathered one: the chapter is too short. Why does James want Fox to go instead? How old is everybody? Is Fox cool-headed or an energetic young pilot? So many questions, and maybe they'll be answered in another chapter. Keep writing.


Thanks for the comments, you guys. I know the chapters are too short, but this seemed like a good place to end it... maybe I was wrong, though. >_> I'll keep writing.

I hope your questions can be answered in upcoming chapters, THH. I'll try and tell you all I can without spoiling it...

Your first question about James and Fox will be answered in the story soon. I wasn't planning on including an age, although I suppose I could squeeze them in somewhere. Fox is 15, nearly 16. Slippy, Falco and Fox are all the same age (roughly, anyway). James is 30. And since Fox is considered to be only young in piloting terms, people often think of his as slightly immature during Starwing & Lylatwars. He fully matures by the time I write about Command, though.

Also, since I'm going to continue, I'll put this into parts (I can't determine how many parts there shall be in total). The Prologue is the begining of part 1.

Again, thanks for the comments and here is chapter two.


<center>Chapter Two
<font size="4">Training Days</font>

~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~</center>

“Hey, Fox!” Falco yelled behind the hammock Fox slept upon. “Wake up!” He flipped the hammock over; Fox fell flat on his face.
“Falco, you little…” he rolled around on the floor trying to untangle himself from the net.
“Come on, sleepy head. Time waits for no one, right?”

Fox stumbled to his feet; his eyes half open.
“I’m awake,” he mumbled.
Falco held his first two fingers up in front of Fox’s face.
“How many fingers an I holding up?” he asked.

There was a long pause in which Fox glared at Falco’s hand; he rubbed his eyes.
“Three?” he groaned under his breath.
Falco’s index finger flicked the top of Fox’s nose.
“I knew it! You were up all night with Slipp’, weren’t ya?”
“Not <I>all</I> night.”

“Well, c’mon,” said Falco, dragging Fox out of the doors. “We’re training anyway.”

They stood in the City of Corneria’s fields, minutes away from Corneria’s army’s base; the planet of fire that lit up Lylat, Solar, was beating down on them both. Fox wiped his forehead; he was already sweating.

“Mornin’, you two,” said a voice from behind them both.
“Hey, Peppy.” Falco smiled and waved.
“Hey.” Fox rubbed his eyes — yet again.
“Hi, Fox,” said Slippy, walking up to the three.

“We’re taking a break from the Arwings,” Peppy went on. “Mind if we watch you two?”
“No, you’re both fine. Okay, Fox. First: close combat.” He tossed Fox a large branch, keeping one for himself in return. “Let’s see what you’ve got. Come at me!”

Fox then leaped at Falco, posing the stick above his head ready for a strike. At the last second, Falco held the stick within his hands out in front of him; after blocking Fox’s attack, he countered by pushing Fox the ground. Falco twirled the stick in his hands as a taunt, before striking Fox on the head.
“Yet, another reason why you shouldn’t stay out all night. It seriously messes with your concentration.” He glared at Slippy.

Fox rubbed his newest bruise.
“These may be just sticks,” Falco added, “but if that had been a blade in combat, you wouldn’t have been so lucky.” He gave Fox his hand.
“Thanks,” Fox said, as he was pulled to his feet.

“Fox!” James yelled, running up to both him and Falco. “I have great news.”
“You okay, father?”
“Yes. I spoke to General Pepper regarding the conversation we both had yesterday about Venom.”
“Oh, yeah,” Fox said. “What did he say?”
“He said that you may go to Venom, as long as you’re not alone. He said that you’re ‘too young’ to go on your own.”

Fox groaned; the same sort of groan that was heard when Falco flung him out of his hammock that morning.
James then turned and faced Falco.
“Falco, how’d you like a trip to Venom?”
“With Fox? Sure. We’ll have fun.”
“Thanks, Falco.” And with that, he began to walk the other way.

“Hey, Slippy!” Falco called. “You wanna join in?”
Slippy looked up from the book that he was reading.
“No, thanks. Close combat ain’t my thing.”
“Peppy?”
“Um, I think I’ll sit this one out, thanks.”

Falco the cupped his mouth and called over to James, “Jamie! You wanna do a little training?”
James stopped, and began to walk back over.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll do a little land fightin’, but just one round. Anyone got a stick?”
“Fox?”

Fox tossed the stick he was holding to James, who caught it single-handed.
Peppy began the countdown.
“Three, two, one, <I>GO!</I>”

The round started slow, with both James and Falco refusing to attack; both were waiting for the other to make the first move; it was as if they both knew each other’s strategies.
Eventually, Falco lost his patients and lunged at James, who blocked his attack; trying to make a comeback, James forced his stick backwards, but it was no use — Falco forced his stick forwards. Suddenly, James fell backwards; Falco tumbled over him.
When they sprung to their feet, yet again, James swooped in with a horizontal slice at Falco’s shins, tripping up his target. He held the point of his stick at Falco, refraining him from recovering.

“Game!” Peppy yelled. “James is the winner.”

The audience that had crowded round during the fight clapped their hands before departing.
James held his hand out towards Falco, and pulled him to his feet.
“You’re getting better, Falco. Well done.”

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Last edited by Crystal on Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:14 am, edited 5 times in total.
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:49 pm 
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Ahem, Falco is a year older than Fox in the games. >_>

Anyways, umm... Sticks...? If Fox is trained to be a pilot and a soldier, they hardly train with sticks in army, though that's not army, but I think James, Falco, Fox and everyone else knows that they don't use sticks. And "land-fighting"? Combat would be better. It seems to be improving, just keep up. I think it doesn't have a Starfox feel in it, especially when you took the start from TP.

Sorry if I sound too harsh, but I'm trying to make it look better.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:33 pm 
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Legendary Hero

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Feather wrote:
Ahem, Falco is a year older than Fox in the games. >_>


Yeah, I know. I did say that I'd tweaked it a bit, though.

Feather wrote:
Anyways, umm... Sticks...? If Fox is trained to be a pilot and a soldier, they hardly train with sticks in army, though that's not army, but I think James, Falco, Fox and everyone else knows that they don't use sticks.


Maybe I didn't explain it well enough. I ment large branches the size of swords (or whatever else they choose to use in land fighting). :wink:

Feather wrote:
And "land-fighting"? Combat would be better.


When I think of "combat", I tend to think of "air combat", so I changed the "land combat" to "land fighting" to cause less confusion.

Besides, they're only training on land now for when I start to write about Adventures and Assault. Plus, Fox is already a good pilot, so I thought I'd lay off that kind of begining.

Feather wrote:
I think it doesn't have a Starfox feel in it, especially when you took the start from TP.


The begining, in which Fox is asked to patrol Venom in James' stead, was taken from the part in TP where Link was asked to go to Hyrule Castle in Rusl's stead (for those reading this who couldn't tell, or haven't played TP).

I took this idea because I thought it would be a good way of getting Fox into the "True Lylat", (a.k.a., outer space).

^ There's more to it, but that's just me simplifying it to try not to spoil the begining plot line.

It should have more of an SF feel to it once the air combat with [spoiler]Star Wolf[/spoiler] and whatnot comes into the story.

And I know that you were trying to help me, although it sounded a tad harsh. I appreciate it. ^_^

Anyway, Chapter Three isn't ready yet. Until then, I've been thinking: should I name my chapters like I've done with my LoZ fanfic? (e.g., Chapter One: The Adventure Begins!) I think the idea of naming each chapter encourages a person to read the chapter (or, at least it works that way for me :sweat2:).

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 Post subject: Re: Star Fox Trilogy
PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:05 pm 
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Quote:
Maybe I didn't explain it well enough. I ment large branches the size of swords (or whatever else they choose to use in land fighting). Wink
Still, they hardly use large branches in training, since they're kind of like soldiers in training.

An what you said about the combat thing, "land fighting" sounds a bit... umm... n00b? XD If not combat, then close combat would be better.

Quote:
The begining, in which Fox is asked to patrol Venom in James' stead, was taken from the part in TP where Link was asked to go to Hyrule Castle in Rusl's stead (for those reading this who couldn't tell, or haven't played TP).
Yeah, I know what part it was taken from, but it shouldn't have. Your writing skills are good enough to make your own beginning.

Quote:
Besides, they're only training on land now for when I start to write about Adventures and Assault. Plus, Fox is already a good pilot, so I thought I'd lay off that kind of begining.
Well, yeah, but why don't they train with just hands, kinda like CQC (if you've played Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater, you know what I mean), you know, just fighting. Or they could shoot targets with guns or something.

Ok, I'll shut up now, and you keep writing. It'll get better. And thanks to you, I got inspiration to write a new SF fanfic.

Good luck with this.
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 Post subject: Re: Star Fox Trilogy
PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:30 pm 
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Legendary Hero

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Feather wrote:
Quote:
Maybe I didn't explain it well enough. I ment large branches the size of swords (or whatever else they choose to use in land fighting). Wink
Still, they hardly use large branches in training, since they're kind of like soldiers in training.

An what you said about the combat thing, "land fighting" sounds a bit... umm... n00b? XD If not combat, then close combat would be better.

Quote:
The begining, in which Fox is asked to patrol Venom in James' stead, was taken from the part in TP where Link was asked to go to Hyrule Castle in Rusl's stead (for those reading this who couldn't tell, or haven't played TP).
Yeah, I know what part it was taken from, but it shouldn't have. Your writing skills are good enough to make your own beginning.

Quote:
Besides, they're only training on land now for when I start to write about Adventures and Assault. Plus, Fox is already a good pilot, so I thought I'd lay off that kind of begining.
Well, yeah, but why don't they train with just hands, kinda like CQC (if you've played Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater, you know what I mean), you know, just fighting. Or they could shoot targets with guns or something.

Ok, I'll shut up now, and you keep writing. It'll get better. And thanks to you, I got inspiration to write a new SF fanfic.

Good luck with this.


lol, thanks. "close combat" does sound cool. I can edit the fic and change "land fighting" to "close combat" if it's what the reader's want.

Anyway, good luck with your SF fic, and Chapter Three should be ready sometime tomorrow.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:44 am 
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Zora

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I must agree with the others that the chapters are a tad too short, but, it's not like it's the end of the world or anything. The main part of a story is the actual way it is put across the the reader, which you've done really well, Cry. I think you should name each chapter, because I get your point about atracting readers through this technique.

And, if I may point out, my favourite part of the whole thing so far was when James was talking to Fox about war in the first paragraph of Chapter One. Usually, wars are an ugly affair, but the way you put it across made it sound so beautiful, and it totally got me hooked.

Well done and keep writing!
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 6:38 am 
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Legendary Hero

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Thanks, Phantom. I've decided to name the chapters. W00t!

Anyway, here's Chapter Three.


<center>Chapter Three
<font size="4">Preperations</font>

~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~</center>

“Is my Arwing okay, Slippy?” Fox asked. “I gotta set out for Venom soon.”
Slippy slid out from beneath the Arwing II; he put down the spanner his hands gripped around, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
“There is nothing <I>wrong</I> with your Arwing, it’s just low on fuel. Once I give its tank a refill, it’ll be good as new.” He got up from the floor and walked away to get refill oil from the storage room.

Fox heaved himself up onto his Arwing’s bonnet, where he sat cross-legged, his chin in his hands. It was the ‘day after tomorrow’ which James spoke of — the day he and Falco would travel to Venom to carry out James’s patrol.
But what lurked in Fox’s head the most was simply: <I>why?</I>
<I>Why</I> did General Pepper say that he was ‘too young’ to travel across Lylat alone? He was fifteen years of age, and Falco was only older by two to three months or so. He wondered what the age limit was, but he didn’t think it would be much more than twenty or so; considering James was thirty eight years old and he’d been roaming Lylat for years upon years.
<I>Why</I> was there even an age limit? He was old enough to fly a ship, so why wasn’t he old enough to fly the ship outside Corneria’s orbit?
What is up there in space that means he must be accompanied? There is surly no danger! Fox trusted his father, and knew that James would never put him in danger if he could help it.

He then started to think about the consequences of they’re being true danger.
What was so special about some announcement that General Pepper was going to make? Normally, Fox was all for announcements and such, but he didn’t really see the point in it, this time; especially since Pepper came out with something completely different. Something about a ‘scientist (General Pepper mentioned no real name) that they couldn’t confirm was dead’.
And what was all that ‘war’ stuff about? The stuff that James and him were discussing two days ago on the balcony whilst watching the sea and sky and bright lights in the city and other luminating things. He seemed pleased that Fox recognised a war after hearing a description of one — is that really anything to be proud of?

Also, why did James want Fox to patrol some planet on the other edge of the galaxy that he’d never been to before? James is still young (compared to General Pepper, anyway), and he’s fit and healthy for his age. Why did a thirty eight-year-old man ask his fifteen-year-old son to patrol some toxic planet for him?

Again, <I>why?</I> Fox hoped these questions would become clearer over time, and less shrouded in the mist of curiosity. He hoped that these were questions that he could discuss with friends and family.

“I’ve got some fuel,” Slippy Toad said, wheeling a tank of engine oil through the doorway.
Fox didn’t listen. He was lost in his own, insane little world.
“Um, Fox?” Slippy snapped his fingers together in front of Fox’s face.
“What the — ?! Oh, Slippy. You shocked me,” Fox said, waking up from his daze.

“You should really prepare for your trip to Venom, y’know, Fox.”
“Hey, Fox,” said Falco as he walked through the doorway. “You all set?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “Slippy’s just taking care of my Arwing’s engine. Once that’s sorted, I’ll be all ready.”
“Fox!” yelled Peppy, running in behind Falco. “Hey, today’s the day, huh?” He put his hand on Fox’s shoulder. “Look out for each other, will you both?”
“Yeah.”

Fox wanted to ask James why he was even going, but, that was the last thing on his mind, now. He was just happy that he was going to see the ‘True Lylat’. As a child, it was always his dream to look upon it all with his own eyes; this was his chance.

Their ships were parked in the Great Fox’s launch shoot, ready for take off. The Great Fox was Team Star Fox’s base, but since the ‘scientist’s’ defeat, it was only used to launch ships and communicate with other ships sailing across Lylat.
The latched doors on the top of the crafts swung open as they hopped inside the machinery.
To the right, Fox McCloud in the Arwing II; and to the left, Falco Lombardi in the Sky Claw.
“Good luck, you guys.” Slippy began to wave them off.

“Sorry I’m late.” James McCloud walked through the doorway and into the launch shoot. “Come home safely, you two. And good luck.”

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Last edited by Crystal on Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:17 am, edited 4 times in total.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:22 am 
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When Slippy says "Gas", it was okay, but maybe "Fuel" would be better, or you should use "Fuel Cells" from Adventures, that's what I do. And if Fox is fifteen in this one, he doesn't have Arwing II yet, right? Anyway, just keep writing, this chapter had some improvement in it.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 11:59 am 
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Legendary Hero

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Okely dokely, "gas" has been changed to "fuel".

"Land fighting" has been changed to "Close combat", apart from here:
Quote:
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll do a little land fightin’, but just one round. Anyone got a stick?”


^ I kept one quote based on close combat as "Land fighting" just to confirm what "Close combat" really is, to those who're reading this that don't know.

And I like the idea of each character/pilot having a unique ship, so, instead of giving them all Arwings (or most of them, anyway), I went with the ships from Command.
Edit~ You are right about the fact that the Arwing II might not've been around during the time of Star Wing/Star Fox leading onto Lylat Wars/Star Fox 64.

Chapter Four should be ready sometime tomorrow.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:05 am 
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Yes, I saw a improvement in this chapter, too. This fanfic looks very promising. Keep up the good work.

P.S. - I think I can make a guess at what happens in the next few chapters... ^ ^
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:31 pm 
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Legendary Hero

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Again, thanks for the comments. And, Phantom, if you guess right, please don't post it. ^_~

<center>Chapter Four
<font size="4">Journey across Venom</font>

~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~</center>

“Testing. 1, 2, 3. Testing. Fox, this is Falco. Do you read me?”
“This is Fox. Yeah, I’m readin’ you, Falco.”
By this point, they were leaving Corneria’s orbit; it felt like it had took forever.
“It might get pretty dark once you enter Lylat, you guys,” Peppy Hare said through his communicator back at station. “Don’t let it throw you off.”
“Peppy?” asked Fox with surprise.

“You two never liked Geography,” he went one. “Luckily, I did. So I thought I’d lead you both through Lylat, ‘kay?”
Fox groaned to himself.
“…Okay.”
“I guess so,” Falco muttered.

“Now I’m sure you already know this, but Barrel Rolls can dodge sharp corners and incoming threats with great ease. I think you’ll find them very useful when crossing through the Asteroid Belt.”
Falco slapped his forehead with a palm.
“We knew that, but thanks anyway, Peppy,” he groaned.

“Basically, just keep going forward until you run into Venom.”
“But, Peppy?” Falco tapped the communicator around his head ever so slightly. “We’re closing in on the Asteroid Belt.”
“Well, just dodge the meteorites.”
There was silence. Fox and Falco looked at each other from their windows, then at the huge meteorite heading straight towards them.

Peppy sighed.
“Do I have to spell it out for you people?” He, too, tapped his communicator to improve the signal. “DO A BARREL ROLL!” he exclaimed at the top of his voice, making both Fox and Falco’s eardrums rattle.
Fox jerked the Arwing II’s gear sticks sharply to one side; he spun off course in a rolling ball of magnetic waves, dodging the fiery boulder by no more than an inch or so.
When the dust cleared, he found that Falco, too, had dodged the meteorite successfully.

“Let’s move on,” Fox said.
“Yes, that’s the sprit, Fox,” answered Peppy.
That compliment made Fox think: Peppy never said, “That’s the spirit,” to Fox. Most of the time regarding the awkward age he was at, Fox was considered to have the exact opposite spirit to the one Peppy liked. It was always, “Fox! Don’t do this!” and, “Fox! Don’t do that!” By the end (or Fox <I>liked</I> to think of it as ‘the end’ for now to put his mind at ease) of his pilot training, Fox never wanted to hear ‘Barrel Roll’ for as long as he lived, considering how many times the old geezer shouted the sentence, “Do a Barrel Roll!” …The horror… It made Fox cringe.
However, he still respected the old geezer. Peppy Hare was a role model to Fox — almost like a father figure. Fox just hoped that by ‘role model’, he wouldn’t grow up to scream, “Do a Barrel Roll!” in a dear friend’s face. He wanted to grow up and sail the galaxy with a group of friends — close friends. So close they were like family. That’s what he wanted.

“Fox,” said Falco through his communicator. “You went into an insane little world of your own, again.”
“Day dreaming, as usual,” Peppy muttered.
“Come on, you guys.” Slippy spoke through James’s communicator that he’d left on the desktop after leaving the room for a ‘moment’, which has turned out to be about half an hour or so up to now (and Peppy’s still counting!). “Stay focused.”

“You’re there.” Peppy put away his map of Lylat.
“<I>That</I> is Venom?” Falco squinted his eyes at the brownish-green speckle before them. I thought it was some green, mouldy meteorite thingy.”
Fox stared at him.
“A ‘Green, mouldy meteorite thingy’, Falco?”
Falco stared back.
“Yeah, y’know…um… I’ll just shut up now.” He scratched his head.

“What do we do now, Peppy?” Fox asked.
“Get in closer, then I’ll help you further.”
Fox accelerated the gear stick on his Arwing…all the way; Falco, racing on his tail.
“Two little things that you might want to consider,” Peppy said ever so suddenly. “A: Stop before you hit the planet.”
The pressure Fox was laying suddenly vanished, as he let go of the gear stick. Falco skidded to a halt somewhat inches behind Fox.
“B: Now you’ve just gotta, well, patrol… I guess…” He paused for a few seconds to think. “Okay, each of you will circle the planet from a different direction: Fox, you go left; and Falco, you go right. When you two meet again at the other side of the planet, look for stable land to walk upon; patrol that land.”

Fox and Falco looked at each other from their windows.
“Well,” said Falco, “that was very sudden, to say the least.”
“You’re not little kids in the playground anymore,” Peppy added. “No, you’re young adults in outer space. I’m not gonna guide you <I>every</I> minute. No one’s gonna baby-sit you, got it?”
“You’ve said yourself that we’re not little kids, so stop talking to us as if we are.”
“C’mon, Falco,” Fox answered. “Let’s just focus on the job at hand.”
“…Okay, fine.”

Fox tilted his Arwing to the left of Venom; Falco to the right, then they speeded off around the planet.

The ‘True Lylat’ was unlike anything Fox had ever seen before. It looked a lot like Corneria’s skies at dusk — only more magnificent. There was a star in every direction, as far as his eyes could see; with many beautiful planets plotted into the distance. He thought they were planets, anyway — huge boulders, each one with a unique coloured tone — one was sapphire blue, another was the colour brown, another rouge-red and another, snow-white; centred on an orange-yellow, glowing ball of fire in the middle.
<I>I’m going to explore all of this,</I> Fox thought to himself.

Although Fox had bigger worries thrusted into his mind at the moment; <I>why?</I> Most importantly, <I>why</I> was he and Falco even here? At Venom? Patrolling a toxic planet?
“Is my father there?” Fox asked through his communicator.
“Sorry, Fox,” Slippy replied (through James’s communicator, yet again). “He left the room a while ago.”
“Why?” asked Peppy. “Is something wrong, Fox?”
“…No,” he sighed. “I just wanted to ask him something, but it can wait.”

“Hello, Fox.” Falco was waving at him from the Sky Claw’s window. “Now that we’re at the other side of Venom, let’s go and find some non-acidic land, shall we?”
“Let’s. This’ll be fun.”

They flew down close to the planet’s earth; it was mostly pure acid. Fox gazed at it, although he should’ve been watching the path in front of him. The acidic sea was quite beautiful, actually. Its lime-green colour was luminous, reflecting the light from Solar that proudly blazed.
Out of the corner of his eye, Fox thought he saw something slither through the waters he was patrolling; it was violet, and a reddish-purple fin stuck out from the waves, then dived back beneath. In the seconds that followed, it was gone.

“You’re gettin’ a tad too close to my tail, Fox. Maybe you should lay off the acceleration a bit.”
Fox looked away from the ocean and saw the Sky Claw’s rear in his face. Beneath the fog that sprouted from the acid, he could’ve sworn that he’d saw earth.
“But, Falco,” he answered, “we’re landing anyway.”

The Arwing jerked off to the side, by Fox’s orders, skidding below the mist.
Trusting Fox’s actions, Falco, too, veered off to the side of their path after him. Falco retreated from his ship and wafted away the thick fog to find Fox, doing the same.
“So I guess we just patrol from here on,” said Falco.
“I guess.” Fox closed up the Arwing II that sat parked neatly beside him.

After much walking and talking of Lylat and such, the two made it out of the fog. A barren wasteland stood in their path.
“Why do we have to patrol this dump, anyway?” Falco said to himself, staring in disgust at the miles of patrolling that lay before them.
“Since General Pepper said so,” Peppy answered. “C’mon, you two; get goin’. Peppy out.” He left the conversation. Slippy was watching them both from the hidden camera, trying to figure out where it was hidden.

At that moment, Venom’s orbit was infested with dark clouds; Solar’s light was brushed aside, and the rain came upon the planet heavy.
“Wh… What’s with this storm all of a sudden?” Falco said, blocking the rain from his head with his hands.
Fork lightning struck the ground behind them, lighting up the entire area. Although the rain beating down on the land seemed merciless, a gush of flames sapped from the ground; a tall, proud figure walked from the fire, standing behind the two.

Fox turned and began to walk back to his Arwing.
“Let’s get back to — ” he bumped into the figure, and started an apology, until he looked up; the figure was masculine and the face: a lust for dark evil engraved upon it.
“Andross?!” Peppy shrieked, the communicator still around his head. Peppy’s cry made Fox uneasy.
“Who?!”
Andross grabbed Fox in a chokehold; his feet dangling inches away from ground level.

James McCloud came running into the room where Peppy and Slippy sat.
“Did somebody mention Andross? What about him?!”
“Who’s ‘Andross’?” Slippy asked.
Peppy showed both Slippy and James the camera footage.
James picked up his communicator from Slippy’s head.
“Can anybody hear me?”
“This is Falco. Can somebody give us a hand?!”
“I’m coming over to help now. I’ll be there within minutes. Until then, Falco and Fox, <I>stay alive.</I>”

James climbed aboard his own Arwing and zoomed off into Lylat. His destination: Venom.

_________________
<center>Image Image Image


Last edited by Crystal on Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:20 am, edited 3 times in total.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:36 pm 
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Zora

Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2007 8:35 am
Post: 48 of 60
Location: North East England
Age: 18
"Do a Barrel Roll" is the best SF quote ever. It's great that you were able to use it. XD

Well done, and keep writing.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 5:00 pm 
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Legendary Hero

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:13 pm
Post: 2541 of 4886
Location: North East England
Age: 15
I'm hoping it all get's good from here on. Plus, there are a lot of "***" used to switch between different places, scenes and settings in the story. But I'll just see how you guys cope.

<center>Chapter Five
<font size="4">Staying Alive</font>

~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~</center>

Falco swooned inwards and leaped past Andross, slashing the man’s side with a trusty knife that was usually laid beneath a strap around his thigh.
“I don’t know <I>who</I> or <I>what</I> you are,” he said, “but let go of him.”

Fox’s feet were dangling, inches away from the floor; his neck in Andross’s hands. However hard we swung his legs to try and kick the man, he would never scour in pain. However hard he tried to squeeze the wrist of the hand he was in grasp of, no sense of pain ran through the man’s fingers. This man was invincible, compared to Fox, or any other warrior Fox had ever met.
And whenever Fox’s hand squeezed pressure around Andross’s wrist, he would feel the same surge of power flow into his neck, only multiple times stronger.

“You’re not so strong now, are you, James?” he asked Fox; an evil grin tightened his face, showing many yellow teeth.
“James? I’m not James!”

Falco turned his communicator on.
“Peppy! Are you getting all of this?”
“We sure are; just hang in there, Falco! Help Fox, too! James is on his way!”
“But he won’t let go of Fox!” Falco kicked Andross’s shin; Andross kicked back. Falco fell to his knees in pain. “And on top of that, he thinks Fox is…”
“We know! Just do all you two can to stay alive!”

<center>***</center>

“Peppy!” James McCloud said as his Arwing whizzed past meteorites on a direct course for Venom. “I’ve nearly reached the destination. Plot me Fox and Falco’s current location on a map of Venom, on the double!”
“You heard him, Slippy! Send James the map data!”
Slippy began to type something into his computer; there was a second or so in which the data was loading. As soon as the data was visible, SEND was the button of choice in which Slippy clicked.

<center>***</center>

“I’ve been waiting a long time for this, James McCloud,” Andross said, holding a gun to Fox’s head.
“I hope that’s not loaded…” Falco made a quick dash for Andross.

<center>***</center>

“Do a Barrel Roll!” Peppy screamed as a meteorite soared towards James; who intensely turned his Arwing to the side, in which it flipped and rolled, barely avoiding the meteorite’s path.
“That was close,” he said, as it tumbled above him.

<I>WARNING! WARNING! YOUR SHIP HAS BEEN DAMAGED. PLEASE EVACUATE THE AIR CRAFT THROUGH THE NEAREST EXIT.</I>

The sirens beamed in James’s face as many a-meteorite crashed into the front of his Arwing.
“Blast!”
“With a bit of luck,” Peppy added, “you might still be able to land on Venom!”
“But he could land in the Venom Sea or anything!” Slippy yelled out loud, much to James’s disgust.
“No, he won’t! Use the map we sent you, James, the map!”

<center>***</center>

“Just to prove that it’s loaded…” Andross pressed to gun’s trigger. The bullet plunged into the earth, inches away from where Falco was running. He stopped.
“The next one will be higher.” He flicked a different trigger until it clicked; new bullets had been loaded.

Just then, a ray of light shot from the sky a pierced Andross’s wrist; he shrieked in pain before dropping Fox, who fell to the ground lifelessly, as if his barrels of energy had burst.

“Outta the way!” James McCloud cried; his prized and famous Arwing crashing to the earth in a bundle of flames.
“Jamie! You okay?!” Falco rushed over to the fire; followed by Fox, once he’d regained his state of mind after a few short moments.
Each of the two grabbed a singular hand and pulled James out of the flames; he was coughing and spluttering as he said his thanks, but that was all.

“James?”
“Andross!”
At that very moment, both warriors armoured their guns from pockets and straps.
“We meet again.”
“I guess so… Although I didn’t want it to come down to <I>this</I>.”
“What do you mean?”
James didn’t know how to answer that, without answering a massive question of Andross’s, that was better left un-spoken about. He remained silent.

“All right, if you won’t talk, we’ll settle this right here, right now.” He backed away a fair distance, and aimed his gun; James did the same. The bullets that were shot crashed off’ve one another, each resulting in falling to the floor.
“They cancelled each other out!” Fox cried with relief.

Before anybody could do anything to stop him, Andross, without warning, charged at James, who fell to the ground after being knocked down. Andross lightly rested his foot on James’s chest, and pointed the gun at his head. James sat his head up as far as it would go without his chest pressuring Andross’s foot too much, and glared at the man.
Andross smirked back.
He looked at Fox and Falco.
“Get back to Corneria,” he told them.

“Only, you won’t be going with them.” Andross applied more pressure onto James’s chest. “Good night, James McCloud.” He laid his finger on the gun’s trigger. Fox heard the blast; his heart missed a beat. There was silence, before James’s head thudded to the ground. “And good riddance.”
“Great giblets! Jamie!”
“Father, no!”
“Get back to Corneria, you two!” Peppy yelled. “It ain’t safe here!”

Andross gave a laugh of great, pure evil before vanishing into the fire from once he came.
Fox ran over to James’s corpse and sat him in an up-right position; his head lifelessly resting on Fox’s chest.
“We can’t just leave the body here,” he said.
“If feel your pain, Fox, but there’s no time. You’re leader now — we need you back at base.”
“Th… That man…” Flashbacks of Andross holding the pistol at James raced through his mind. <I>This is a dream,</I> Fox thought to himself. <I>C’mon, Fox, wake up already.</I>
It was no dream.
“Fox, hurry,” Falco said, making his way back to the Sky Claw.
James’s body still lay in Fox’s arms, who let him down gently.

<center>***</center>

Fox and Falco walked through the door of the Great Fox.
“Fox.” Slippy came running up to him. “How’re you feeling?”
Fox rubbed his head.
“What the Hell has just happened?”
“Well…” Peppy rattled his brains to try and figure it out.
“Who was that man?”
“Dr. Andross. The ‘scientist’ that General Pepper was talking about.”
Fox clearly didn’t understand.

“Sit down, Fox. I’ll explain everything: Years ago, Andross tried to conquer Lylat. He forced attack fighters from Venom to strike Corneria.”
“Why Corneria?” Falco asked, also sat down and listening.
“Corneria is the most powerful planet in Lylat. Why? Three words: Team Star Fox. If Andross could command Star Fox back then, we’d all be his slaves by now.”
“Why didn’t he take over Lylat?” Fox asked.
“He was defeated. By James McCloud.”
“Ah, so he killed James for revenge?” Falco said.
“Yes, revenge. Also, if Andross could kill Star Fox’s leader, he would gain control over the team. He thinks that we followed James’s orders just because he was our leader — No, we listened because we respected him greatly.”
“But Fox is our leader, now.”
“Andross doesn’t know that. You see, Andross and James go way back. So far, in fact, that Andross was made second in line to command the team. When Fox was born, Andross was made third. We didn’t tell him that, though.”
“Okay… but why was Andross even on Venom?”
“After Andross’s defeat, he was banished to Venom. We patrolled regularly to make sure he wasn’t trying to escape. Apparently, he’s even set up his own fortress on Venom, too.”
“I betcha he’ll be comin’ this way to take control,” Falco muttered.

<center><font>***</font></center>

“Zehpyrus, tell me the news.”
The fortress walls in which they resided were made of bubbled marble, as if it had been dissolved by acid.
“About James McCloud, my Lord?”
“Yes. Who else, you idiot?”
“The ship went down with the pilot, sir. He was a — ”
“ — A true pilot. I am angry, yet at the same time, proud. This is unusual.”

It was a tradition from ancient Lylatian times to use the name ‘True Pilot’. When a pilot went down with his or her ship in battle losing their lives in the progress, they were given that name. This term has been used as a name for lost warriors for hundreds of years.

“My Lord, shall we continue to prepare for our invasion to Corneria?”
“Why do you ask, Zehpyrus?” Andross glared at his minion.
“Team Star Fox has a new leader,” he stuttered with fear.
“<I>What?</I>”

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

Peppy brought Falco’s ear to his mouth, enclosing his speech with his cupped hands.
“You must help me tell him,” he whispered.
“Tell Fox what?” Falco whispered back.
“Why do you think James didn’t <I>kill</I> Andross when he had the chance all those years ago?”
Falco didn’t answer.
“No matter how much James tried to hide it, he was, and always will be…” Peppy stopped, not knowing how to reveal the truth.
“What?”
“James and Andross are brothers, Falco.”

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

“I have a <I>nephew</I>?!” Andross grabbed Zehpyrus, who was a buck-toothed ogre, and flung him against a pillar with shear frustration.

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

“I have an <I>uncle</I>?!” Fox shrieked, as Peppy finished his lecture with the help of Falco.

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

Zehpyrus stumbled to his feet.
“My Lord, shall we attack Corneria as planned?” he panted.
“…No. Not yet, Zehpyrus.”
“Then what shall we do, my Lord?”
“Send out armies to every other planet besides Corneria. When our new friend and his companions go in to save the day, we’ll ambush.”
“Which planet should we strike first, sir?”
“…Aquas,” Andross decided after a pause.
“Yes, my Lord. I shall prepare troops for the invasion.”

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

“We should really get prepared for combat,” said Falco.
“Let’s,” answered Slippy.
“Wait,” said Fox. “There’s still one thing I don’t understand: Why did my father send us in the first place?”
Peppy sat back down again.
“I talked with James and we came to that decision together. It was hard for him to confirm, but he realised it was for the best, even if it was putting you in so much danger. He wanted you to meet your uncle, Fox; even if the first thing he did was grabbed you by the neck. I hope you realised that that was the hardest decision he ever had to make. He loved you a lot, y’know.”
Fox remained silent. He didn’t quite know what to say next.

Peppy put his hand on the young leader’s shoulder.
“Time heals all wounds, Fox.”
“…Too many things have happened today. With my father, and Andross and all that.”
“C’mon, cheer up. We’re willing to help you through this.”
“…Let’s get to work.”

_________________
<center>Image Image Image


Last edited by Crystal on Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:23 am, edited 3 times in total.
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 4:25 pm 
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Zora

Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2007 8:35 am
Post: 50 of 60
Location: North East England
Age: 18
You've made Andross as evil as ever! And the way the two scenes flicked back and forth with each other until it was just one line after another, relating with one another, was very nice. By that, I mean things like this...
Quote:
<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

“I have a <I>nephew</I>?!” Andross grabbed Zehpyrus, who was a buck-toothed ogre, and flung him against a pillar with shear frustration.

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>

“I have an <I>uncle</I>?!” Fox shrieked, as Peppy finished his lecture with the help of Falco.

<center><font><b>***</b></font></center>


^Keep that style of writing up and you WILL improve. Over time, of course.

P.S. - The idea of Andross being Fox's uncle is win.

And you should also name the parts. This will serve the same kind of purpose as naming the chapters did. :wink:

Edit~ W00t! 50 posts!
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 8:22 am 
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Resident Kaiju Encyclopeida

Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2006 10:31 am
Post: 2024 of 5015
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Age: 16
Unless you're gonna explain how a monkey with the last name Oikonny and a fox with the last name McCloud are brothers, I'm having doubts about the consistency. Were they step-brothers?

Aside from that, it's an interesting story, and I like your style. Watch for spelling errors.

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